**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/Mediocre-Assist3643 **Originally posted to r/AITAH** **AITA for refusing to let my husband’s daughter move in with...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-08-13 04:00:05+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Mediocre-Assist3643

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for refusing to let my husband’s daughter move in with us because she has a history of stealing from me?

Trigger Warnings: theft, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, claims of bipolar disorder

Mood Spoilers: crazy

Editor’s note: the body text for original post was saved before it got removed

Original Post: August 4, 2025

Hi Reddit. I already know this is going to sound harsh, but I really need some perspective.

I (37F) have been married to my husband Mark (45M) for almost five years. He has a daughter, Emily (17F), from a previous relationship. I have no children of my own, though I always wanted them, and Emily lives with her mom across the state.

Let’s just say Emily and I have never gotten along. I’ve tried—truly—but from day one, she made it clear she didn’t want anything to do with me. She’s polite around her dad but cold toward me. I accepted that, gave her space, and tried not to take it personally.

Then about two years ago, things escalated. She came to stay with us for a week during summer break. During that time: My wedding ring went missing. We later found it in her backpack. had a bottle of prescription anxiety meds disappear. Turns out she was using them “to help her sleep.” My expensive makeup, skincare, and even underwear (!!) mysteriously vanished.

When I confronted her gently (and yes, I mean gently), she flat-out denied everything and sobbed to Mark that I was accusing her because “she’s not really my kid.” He took her side. Claimed she was “acting out” due to divorce trauma and that I should be more understanding.

After that visit, I told him: I am setting a hard boundary. I don’t want her unsupervised in our home.

Now fast forward to last week. Emily’s mom is apparently moving to another country with her new husband, and Emily doesn’t want to go. She asked if she could move in with us full-time for her last year of high school.

I said no.

I know that makes me sound heartless. But I told Mark I wasn’t comfortable having someone under my roof who has stolen from me, disrespected me, and clearly doesn’t like me. I said I’d support him finding a solution, even renting a small place nearby if he wanted to live with her there, but I won’t share my space with her.

Mark was silent for hours. Then he told me he was “disappointed,” that I “never truly accepted her,” and that I was “punishing a teenager for mistakes she made at fifteen.”

Now he’s been sleeping on the couch and barely speaking to me. His sister even messaged me and called me a “wicked stepmother.”

I don’t think I’m wrong for protecting my peace and my space, but now that everyone is calling me the villain, I’m second-guessing.

So… AITA for refusing to let my husband’s daughter move in with us?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: You married a man with a kid. Kids go through phases, act out, test boundaries. You’re an ass because you are acting on old information. She’s part of your family. Petty theft (and yes what you have described is petty teenage nonsense) is not worth banishing her for. You need to grow up.

OOP: I doubt stealing my underwear and my wedding ring is petty theft.

Commenter 1: How did your dumbass husband explain your meds and ring in her backpack then? NTA and if your loser of a parent husband wants to blow up your marriage over it then that’s his prerogative, when that brat is living with you full time her stealing will likely be the least of your problems.

OOP: She claimed to have bipolar disorder, which I am not sure if I believe because I’ve never seen any actual documents proving that statement. But she claimed to have bipolar disorder, which caused her to steal my stuff.

Downvoted Commenter 2: When you married him you knew he had a child. There is always a possibility that a child could move in with him. What if her mother would have died?

I would have a serious conversation with her father. Explain yourself and you make sure you have common household rules and boundaries. And then talk with Emily. She may have grown up. If she apologises and is truely sorry I would reconsider. You may as well lose your husband if you deny him the possibility to have his daughter living with him just one year?

OOP: I actually found out that he had a child a couple months after the marriage which caused an argument. I just don’t feel comfortable with a teen in my home that doesn’t like me, never actually apologized for her behavior and previously stole my ring.

Commenter 2: Stealing prescription meds and a wedding ring isn’t just “acting out”

Your husband is the one who let this fester by not dealing with it two years ago. Now he’s mad at you for the consequences of his own inaction. NTA

Commenter 3: Anyone want to point out that stealing/wearing your father’s wife’s underwear is a bit disturbed? I couldn’t share my space with a drug addict and a thief either. Who owns the property?

OOP: The property is mine. Thank you for talking about this because that part disturbed me a bit more then when she stole my wedding ring.

OOP needs to get her husband in family therapy

OOP: I’ve been trying to get him to agree to family therapy but he refused.

Has Emily been treated for the possible disorder?

OOP: From what I’ve known so far, I don’t think she’s been treated. I don’t even know if she actually HAS BP

What was OOP’s husband’s response after they found the ring in Emily’s bag?

OOP: Yes, my husband and I found it. He was angry at first but dismissed her behavior because she didnt know better…

Downvoted Commenter 3: YTA - you are refusing to provide shelter for a child just because they behaved poorly. And you are putting your husband in the position of choosing between his wife and his daughter.

OOP: If she learns to apologize, acknowledge her behaviour and return me my items then I’ll CONSIDER letting her stay. I’m protecting my peace. I offered an alternative that was good enough

Is OOP’s husband unemployed or not? Is she financially supporting him because of the house in her name?

OOP: No he has a stable job.

OOP responds to multiple comments about her husband not having her back on this decision

OOP: Honestly. So many comments have been telling me the same thing and I’m starting to believe they are right. I think I will consider divorce.

Downvoted Commenter 4: YTA. She is his child, his responsibility, if you marry him, you marry his responsibilities, obligations etc… saying you wont allow YOUR TEENAGE STEPDAUGHTER to live in your home is wrong. He should divorce you and take care of his kid. Being with you is a choice, taking care of his child is not a choice. Yes you are absolutely the asshole.

OOP: You’re right she is his responsibility. Which makes it even more concerning that he hid her existence from me until after we were married, refused therapy, and let her steal from me without consequence or apology.

I didn’t say she shouldn’t be taken care of. I said I’m not willing to share my home with someone who’s disrespected me, lied, and made me feel unsafe—especially while her father enables it.

Being married doesn’t mean forfeiting the right to personal boundaries. If he chooses to leave and finally prioritize his daughter, that’s long overdue. But I won’t stay in a situation where I’m expected to accept mistreatment just because she’s family. I hope you get well.

How old is Emily now and she needs to know the right from wrong

OOP: She’s 17 now. She knows her right from wrong. I’m open to have a relationship but like I said until she apologizes and learns from her behaviour, and stops excusing it, then we can move on.

Update #1: August 6, 2025 (two days later)

Hi again. I want to thank everyone who commented. Some of you guys had some interesting takes but I respect them. I posted an ETA addressing a few things people kept asking, so just to clarify again:

The house is mine.

I didn’t know about Emily until a few months after the wedding.

She has never apologized or taken accountability for stealing from me.

I suggested therapy both she and my husband refused.

A lot of people told me this isn’t just about Emily, and they were right. This is also about the fact that Mark lied to me about his life. Mark lied to me from the start by hiding his daughter, and when the situation got hard, he chose to ignore it. He let me doubt myself, made excuses for her behaviour, and called me selfish when I finally put my foot down. Frankly, I think that this relationship is over. I thank everyone who kindly helped me to wake the fuck up.

Since the last post, I spoke to a lawyer. I’m not filing for divorce right now, but I needed to understand what my options are. I’ve started protecting my finances and getting my docume…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1mouc2z/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_husbands_daughter/

  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    2•1 month ago

    Since the last post, I spoke to a lawyer. I’m not filing for divorce right now, but I needed to understand what my options are. I’ve started protecting my finances and getting my documents in order. I have gotten messages from his family and Emily’s friends. They were harassing me for my boundaries. Thankfully, I have an amazing family and amazing friends to defend me and help me through this situation.

    Now, with Mark. I talked to him and we got into an argument. I ultimately decided to kick him out and I think he’s living with his sister, who called me a witch🤦 I don’t know what will happen now with Emily because I do not know if she was the one who sent her friends to harass me.

    I am considering reaching out to talk to her and possibly get coffee. I really want to just muddle everything down with her. Mark has also been an absolute deadbeat because he has not taken in his daughter when he literally berated me for not letting her in our home. And the Irony is crazy. This is all the information I have right now. I will give an update if anything happens and if Emily accepts my offer for coffee.

    Edit: Hello everyone, this is just a quick message. I’ve been receiving a lot of messages in my DMs asking for and rushing me about an update. Please note that I am still human with a life, and I am not obligated to give another update if I do not feel like it. Thank you.

    Relevant / Top Comments

    Commenter 1: DO NOT! Why can’t Emily stay with his sister? She’s a thief. Why would SIL want someone who is a “witch” to house their niece and not to it herself? Emily is a liar and a thief and if this coffee thing is a must record the interaction.

    OOP: She has refused to take her in due to the child’s history.

    Commenter 2: Why even ask her for coffee? It doesn’t sound like you had any sort of positive relationship with Emily. The only connection you had was her dad, who you are ending your relationship with. My advice would be a clean break all around, so you can move on with your life.

    Commenter 3: Do not meet her for coffee. You will never get what you want from that conversation. Nothing good will come from you having any more communication with any of them.

    Commenter 4: Don’t meet Emily - she will twist it and make you out to be the villain. There’s no point. If you must meet with her, I’d either be recording it (assuming it’s a one party consent) or bring someone with you to sit at the table with you in a public place.

    DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

    THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP