This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2026-07-12 04:02:01+00:00.

---

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/kipperz5

Me [22F] with my boyfriend [28M] of 7 months. He has been blocking a lot of my male friends on my Facebook, without my knowledge.

TRIGGER WARNING: Controlling behavior

Original Post  March 30, 2015

Made a throwaway as my bf knows my account. This came to my attention because I was meeting with a group of my friends when one of them asked me if I had deleted my Facebook. I haven’t and asked why he thought this and he said it was because I had disappeared from his Facebook. He said I must have blocked him then, which I was sure I hadn’t but I got my phone out and checked where I discovered he had been blocked, along with a whole bunch of my friends/acquaintances (all male) who I know I hadn’t blocked.

I was 99% sure it was my boyfriend who had done it – I let him use my computer so it would have been real easy for him to do it. Also, when we first started dating seriously he got a little jealous about a guy I messaged sometimes (totally platonic) and asked me to delete him. With this guy I did understand why my bf didn’t like it because I did have a bit of history with him. At least in this case my bf talked to me about it first and why it made him uncomfortable so I was fine with it. However, I find him blocking my friends on Facebook for no reason, without telling me, weird and a little controlling.

I confronted him and he admitted it straight away, like it was no big deal. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me and that is kind of hurtful. He said it wasn’t that he doesn’t trust me but he doesn’t trust my friends. What does he think is going to happen? In the unlikely scenario that one of them did message me sexually or whatever does he not think I can handle myself? Again, it just feels like he doesn’t trust me. He told me it’s not a big deal and it’s “normal” for guys to be “protective” of their girlfriends but I don’t feel like that at all. He genuinely doesn’t seem to understand why it upset me, I could be overreacting a little but I hate that he did this behind my back. I thought we had a really good relationship and he has no reason to not trust me. I kind of wanted to rant about this and get some reassurance that it isn’t normal, or maybe it is, I don’t know but I haven’t had a bf do anything like this before.

tl;dr: My bf has been on my facebook and blocked a lot of my male friends, without telling me. He claims it’s normal and that he is “protecting” me but I feel like he doesn’t trust me.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Captain_Corelli

Massive red flag, jealousy issues.

“He said it wasn’t that he doesn’t trust me but he doesn’t trust my friends”

The same excuse every time. He doesn’t trust you, because if he did he’d know you’d actually have some say in someone attempting to make a move. Insecure guys like him seem to think you’re naive or have no say in it. It’s insulting and it’s the deflective way of saying “I don’t trust you” He doesn’t trust you. Why are you with someone who doesn’t?

“'He told me it’s not a big deal and it’s “normal” for guys to be “protective” of their girlfriends but I don’t feel like that at all.”"

He’s delusional to boot.

Change your passwords on social media, explain first the massive privacy issue and that is why he no longer gets ascess. Because HE cannot be trusted. Then he gets his arse to therapy straight away because this is not how a healthy relationship works.

If he refuses go, because he doesn’t understand why his behavior is wrong and the controlling and jealous behaviors will get worse if he doesn’t seek help.

OOP

Thanks, I did need to hear something like this. I will talk to him again but I can pretty much guarantee he would laugh at even the idea that he needs therapy. Maybe it is over, it just seems to have come out of nowhere.

~

toldyaso

This isn’t probably what you want to hear, but when a 28 year old man starts dating a 22 year old woman, and takes the initiative to block her friends on Facebook… at that point it’s not a coincidence that there’s an age gap.  He’s dating you because of the age gap, not in spite of it.  He thinks that because you’re so much younger, that he can control and manipulate you.

If he tried that shit with a woman his own age, she’d dump him immediately.  He thinks he can get away with it because you’re so young and inexperienced.  Show him he’s wrong about that, by getting away from him.  Yesterday.

OOP

I’ve had people comment on the age gap before and I never thought it was an issue - I don’t think it’s that big. But maybe it is a factor, he obviously has more relationship experience than me so maybe he thought he could get away with it.

Update Apr 6, 2015 (1 week later)

Wow, okay so this has been a tough week but I am starting to think positive about what has happened and realize it is probably a good thing to be out of the relationship. The replies to my post were pretty much unanimously telling me it was a sign of him trying to control me and this got me thinking about so many other things in our relationship. I could have been over analyzing things but there were so many other aspects I think I overlooked because I just thought he loved me but really were him trying to be controlling. That night I felt so weird and stupid that I hadn’t noticed things earlier but I really couldn’t face talking to him right then - I wanted more time to think about everything.

I was supposed to be going to his place that night so I text him telling him I couldn’t go. This pissed him off and he kept trying to call me but I really didn’t want to talk to him so I just told him I would call him tomorrow. He didn’t stop though and was texting me telling me to answer my phone, so I eventually and gave in and did. He asked me what was wrong and I told him the Facebook thing had upset me and I didn’t like him trying to control me. He then said I was only getting upset  because I had a “guilty conscience”. This made me so mad that I told him if he really thinks I have cheated on him then fine, it’s over and I hung up. I was so fuming mad and hurt that I had a determination to ignore all his calls and messages for the rest of the night.

However, the next day when we had both calmed down I agreed to meet him.He was doing that thing when he acted like everything was okay and tried to hug and kiss me when I saw him but I pushed him away. So we talked but never once did he apologize or back down and admit what he did was not okay. He was standing by his stance of he “doesn’t trust them” and was trying to twist into a compliment that these guys “can’t help themselves”. I met up with him with a little hope that he would apologize and we could maybe try and work it out but his reaction made me realize that we couldn’t. I told him he was full of shit and that he was trying to control me and I don’t want to be with him anymore. He got mad, called me all kinds of names but in some ways that made it easier for me and reassured me that I was doing the right thing.

We had no contact for a couple days but then he started calling me and leaving messages, telling me he was sorry and he loved me. I probably shouldn’t have but I agreed to see him again and he told me he only did it because he didn’t want to lose me etc but I just got the feeling he was trying to tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. I just knew that it was over and told him. He got mad again and his parting words were something like “fine. Go and be a fucking whore then”. Which was upsetting to hear from the man I thought loved me but if that is his opinion of me then he is not the guy for me. I have not heard anything from him for a few days now so hopefully I can try and get over it soon.    tl;dr: broke up

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7