This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-04-22 04:00:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/crooooooooooooow

My (30) boyfriend (31) killed a man ten years ago. How do I get my mom to accept him?

TRIGGER WARNING: Mental health struggles, murder

Original Post Sept 25, 2017

(I’ve changed names and ages to not get recognized)

I met David about six months ago. I met him through friends and we clicked and became good friends pretty fast. One night, when we we’re drinking we began talking about the past, he told me he had been admitted to a psych hospital a couple of years and then told me he had killed a friend in a psychotic break and had been all over news media. His story were all over the place when it happened so I recognized him when he told me, I just hadn’t made the connection. His sentence was to undergo psychiatric treatment and he’s on medication now and really regret doing it. He tells me it was like a dream, and he remember it as such. He was also on a lot of drugs at the time. He’s completely different now and I trust him. He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, and to be honest I can’t connect him to that person who were all over the media.

Well, we started dating a month ago. And I brought him home to meet my mother yesterday and she recognized him. She didn’t say anything to his face, but called me today. She was completely freaking out and telling me I can’t date a murderer. I told her what I’ve told you, he was psychotic, he’s not the same person who did that, and he’s heavily medicated with no intentions of stopping, but she was just completely freaking out, telling me she feared for my safety and she wouldn’t have anything to do with him and I had to leave him immediately. I told her that wasn’t going to happen and she said that as long as I’m dating him she doesn’t want to see me and he’s ultimately going to kill me.

I understand completely she’s fearful and anxious about the situation, but I still think she’s overreacting. It wasn’t a deliberate murder and it honestly annoys me to no end that she thinks that I’m not able to judge his character.

So yeah… how do I get my mom to accept this situation? Am I just doomed to not see her again? Could really use some input.

tl;dr: Boyfriend killed someone in a psychotic breakdown 10 years ago. Mom won’t accept him and says she won’t speak to me.

Update Jan 4, 2018 (2 and a half months later)

Hi.

Thanks for the responses in the last thread. A lot of people told me things I didn’t want to hear, like I couldn’t judge a person after knowing him for six months, which I still kinda think you can, just not as much as I hoped.

I guess some people expects something crazy to have happened, but nothing really has.

He just weren’t as empathetic as I thought. I realized pretty quickly that if I didn’t call him first, he wouldn’t call me for days. And when I told him I had a very unpleasant encounter with a guy, he just laughed and told me that if it were him, he would be happy to get the attention.

And I just couldn’t get over that he killed a guy, honestly. When I was laying in bed and he was doing something else, I couldn’t stop thinking about how vulnerable I was. I didn’t feel safe.

So I broke up with him. I still think he deserves happiness, and to move on from what he did, but I’m not the one for him and I can’t help him.

My mum, was very relieved when I told her we broke up (I didn’t tell her why, just that it didn’t work out) and although she didn’t cut me out of her life like she threatened she’s been a lot warmer towards me since.

About the break up, he actually took it so well that I don’t think he was ever really in love with me. It was basically me breaking up and him saying “You gotta do what’s best for you, so I wish you good luck.”

I’m kinda heartbroken that I apparently didn’t mean that much to him, but I’m still fine.

We still talk though, which is probably stupid, but he’s a fun guy to talk to, and I don’t feel like I can judge him for doing something while on a psychotic breakdown.

Also, as I stated in the last thread, he has no intentions of stopping with his medication. He knows he needs it for the rest of his life, and as long as he follows that, he’ll probably continue to be in my life.

TL;DR I broke up with him.

TOP COMMENTS

EarlGreyhair

“And when I told him I had a very unpleasant encounter with a guy, he just laughed and told me that if it were him, he would be happy to get the attention.”

Jesus.

“and as long as he follows that, he’ll probably continue to be in my life.”

Just having him in your life is still a risk. It was a friend that he killed, after all. And you can’t guarantee that he will stay on that medication, even if he insists he will.

~

NoContext68

“I don’t feel like I can judge him for doing something while on a psychotic breakdown”.

Hmmm that “doing something” happened to be murdering somebody.

So you broke up with him, he didn’t seen to care, and you want to stay friends? I’m guessing you are keeping this part from your mother. Just because you have removed the label from your reletionship, doesn’t mean you are out of danger, if any danger was present to begin with.

So basically all you have done is “broke up” to hide the fact you are still seeing him from your mother.

Jesus OP I think you need some help here. Naivety, lack of common sense and self esteem seem to be big issues here.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7